Is Tony Romo the next Danny White?

Maybe if he's lucky. Not only did White have a better career so far, but he had much better taste in women. Have you seen Jessica Simpson? The only thing distracting Romo next season will be a massive pair of cottage-cheese thighs.

Big Ben's not the man, yet

Sure, his record is sterling, but his stats? Not so much. Maybe it would help if he shrunk that massive, fat head of his. There's no way that thing doesn't get in the way. It has its own weather system. It's like Sputnik. Head! Pants! Now! It's like an orange with a toothpick! (Bonus if you get the movie reference. Hint: Scottish accent.)

Is Phil Rivers better than Peyton Manning?

Rivers had a better year than Peyton, but Peyton won AFC Player of the Year. Why? Easy -- he's the sexier pick. Sexier than Simpson, but not quite Roseanne Barr.

Peyton Manning is no choke

For all the talk of Mr. Endorsement deal being a postseason choke artist, just look at Peyton's average quarterback rating in the playoffs.

The Lions have things to look forward to!

Specifically, five: 1. Matt Millen is gone. 2. No more Millen. 3. Death to Millen! 4. Millen sucks! 4.5 Burn, Millen! Burn! And last but not least: 5. The economic stimulus plan, which with its education support is poised to help Detroit transition to a more modern, service-oriented economy. Duh.

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